Demented Paranormal Fuckfest
by Shmacky
Summary: There's nothing supernatural about...TRUE LOVE! Warnings inside.
1. An Impala's Pain

**Warnings: The only warning is for TRUE LOVE (which includes but is not limited to graphic sex, death, violence, incest, blood, gore, rape, beastiality, mechanophilia, steaming entrails, food-fucking etc)**

* * *

It was a typical evening in some small town in America somewhere. Earlier that day, two people had been brutally murdered and decapitated, had all their organs cut out and smeared on their front lawns, strange Satanic writings painted all over their walls in blood, their pets mercilessly slaughtered, all their valuables stolen, and their genitals cut off and shoved in their mouths. Sam and Dean had come to investigate. However, after seeing the gory scene, they had declared they had done enough for that day in the way of investigation and gone back to their motel room to "research".

In reality, Sam actually _was_ doing some supernatural-related research (and masturbating violently to it), and Dean was stuffing his fat face with pie. However, seeing his younger brother beating off was making him very horny. He got up to leave.

"Hey, uh, Sam, I'm going to go...umm...I've got a date with a chick. Yeah. She's really hot and...and...I met her at that gas station when you were, uhm, you were, somewhere else-," Dean started, but Sam cut him off.

"Dean, I don't fucking care. Go do whatever. I'm trying to get off here," Sam snapped.

"Well, uh, her name's...um...Georg- No, I mean, Stev- No, um...Randy. That's it. Wait, can Randy be a girl's name?"

"Dean, please, just fuck off. I'm trying to whack off. And _why_ am I trying to whack off? Because you're being a dick and withholding sex from me. So just fuck off already!" Sam was annoyed.

"Well, Sam, remember why I'm withholding sex from you? Because, Sam, last time we fucked, you kept crying out 'Buddy'! That was the name of the family's _dog _in the last town!"

"C'mon, Dean. That was just a one-night stand. But even so, Buddy was an awesome lay," Sam smiled, reminiscing about the times he and Buddy shared.

"Eew. Well, I'm going to go and see Melinda and she'll fuck me, and there's nothing you can do about it!"

"Whatever," Sam said, clicking on a banner ad about vampire sex chatrooms, barely registering the door slamming.

* * *

Outside in the parking lot, the '67 Chevy Impala was enjoying a few moments to itself. _Which are few and far between_, it mused, somewhat bitterly,_having to lug those two fatass bastards around constantly_. It shook in rage, thinking of all the injustices it had suffered._ Now, now, none of that,_ it chided itself gently,_ this is me-time, I should make use of it!_ It sighed and let its mind wander to one of its greatest fantasies. It took place in the desert, free of salt or anything to rust its delicate body, and the two jackasses it catered to, day in and day out. The only other being there was a mint condition '71 Dodge Challenger, maybe the one from _Vanishing Point_. The Impala had a bit of a thing for white cars, but only ones built like a true sistah.

Just as it was really getting into the thought, it heard the motel door slam. _Oh dear God, no,_ it thought, _not this._

"Hey, baby!" Dean said, his tensions and insecurities immediately dissipating at the sight of his beloved car. He caressed its sleek hood lovingly, and pressed a kiss to its windshield. The car shuddered with disgust.

"I think it's time we had a little 'alone-time', don't you, sweetie?" Dean asked it. _No, please, anything but this,_ the Impala thought in terror.

"Oh, you do? Well, I've been thinking about this all day," Dean smiled at the Impala, rubbing his crotch on the front bumper, "C'mere, fuckmuffin.."

He strode around behind the car, the Impala's engine clenched in horror at what it knew was about to happen. It heard the telltale zip sound, and, soon, began to feel the all-too-familiar feeling of its exhaust pipe being violated. All it could do was buckle down and take it. It had spent many hours like this, staying stoic while inwardly praying for the sweet release of death from this horrible living nightmare it found itself in.

Eventually, after what felt like hours, but was about five minutes, Dean collapsed over the back of the car. He quickly gathered himself up and went to sit in the driver's seat.

"Was it good for you?" he asked his car, affectionately stroking the dashboard._ Thank God that's finally over_, the poor abused vehicle thought. But luck wasn't on its side tonight.

"What's that, baby? You want to try something new?" Dean smiled, eyeing the handbrake lasciviously, "I think that can be arranged..."

_Right, that's it,_ thought the Impala, as it felt some very disconcerting things occuring inside of itself, _I'm not going to take any more of this._ It gathered up all of its willpower, and decided,_ Tomorrow, I'm going to do something about this!_

**_To be continued..._**


	2. Dude, Where's My Car?

**WARNINGS: The only warning is for TRUE LOVE (mechnophilia, incest, graphic sex, rape, hardcore violence, death, gore, Doomcocks, internal organs, blasphemy, kinkiness, etc)**

* * *

The following day, the small town was in uproar. Two police officers had been dismembered and stuffed in their refrigerators, and the families of all the victims had received vaguely threatening letters written in blood and a strange, indecipherable language. That morning also found Sam and Dean in their hotel room, playing one of their favourite games of the bedroom variety. Dean's ass was a mysterious, possibly supernatural, death, and Sam got to investigate it. After Dean's auto-erotic adventure, he had felt bad for cheating on Sam. After a heartfelt apology (which involved swallowing), Sam had forgave him.

"Well, Dean, this is a very interesting case. I'm certainly going to have to _submerge _myself in it if I want to find the cause!" Sam giggled.

"Whatever, Sam, just get on with it!" Dean was slightly irritated.

"Right-o, Dean...," Sam fumbled for the family-sized bottle of anal lubricant they kept on the night-stand. This time, however, it was bare. "Dean, where the fuck is the lube?"

Dean would've smacked himself on the forehead for his own stupidity, had all his limbs not been tied to the bed frame.

"It's, um, in the car. I took it out there because...um...th-the squeaky doors were starting to annoy me, and I needed something to oil it, and I saw that lube and was like 'Hey, that's the good stuff, I wonder if I-,'" Dean was cut off by Sam.

"What-fucking-ever. You just stay here and look pretty. I'll get the goddamn lube," Sam got up and slammed from the room, oblivious to the fact he was completely nude.

Almost immediately, he was back.

"Sam, what the fuck?"

"Dean, the car's gone."

"What the fuck are you talking about? How can it be gone?" Dean said in disbelief.

"I don't know, it just is. Come out and see for yourself," Sam invited, and walked to the door and held it open for Dean.

"Sam, for the love of cock, untie me!"

"Oops, sorry," Sam obliged and soon they were both standing outside, staring at the empty parking spot.

* * *

An hour had passed and they had made no progress.

Unless standing around a motel parking lot, completely nude, screaming obscenities was progress. If so, they had made plenty.

"We're never going to find her!" Dean cried.

"Oh, Dean, stop being so negative. Remember what Dad always used to say," Sam said.

"'Bend your sweet underage ass over the table while I get the lube'?" Dean questioned.

"No! Wait, what?"

"Um...nothing. So, what're you thinking?"

"Well, we definitely need help finding our car," Sam stated, "And I know just who to ask!"

"Who?" Dean asked, grumpily.

Sam smiled and then yelled at the sky, "Castiel, get your spankable booty over here!"

Quick as a flash, the angel appeared, a confused look on his face and a bulge in his pants.

_Oh, God_, Dean thought in horror, _why him? _A few weeks ago, when he was drunk, he and Cas had made passionate, drunken love all night long. He wasn't looking forward to the day Sam found out.

"What is your problem?" Castiel asked, his hand going to cover his obvious erection.

"The Impala's gone missing, we need you to help us fine her! C'mon, let's go!" Sam explained, somewhat hurriedly.

Castiel frowned. "Very well, Sam, but Dean, I wish to discuss that time we fu-,"

"Yeah! Let's go! Let's go right now! Let's not waste any time, you know, dicussing stuff that has nothing to do with this! Let's go find our car!" Dean interrupted loudly.

Sam and Cas looked slightly disturbed by his outburst, but then Sam rallied gamely, "Sure! Alright guys, let's go!"

There was an awkward pause. Sam looked at Castiel and Castiel looked at Dean and Dean looked at Sam.

"Oh shit, that's right. We don't have a car, do we? Cas, use to angel powers to teleport us!"

"Teleport us where?"

"Fuck if I know. Anywhere! Wait, actually, scratch that. Teleport us to where the car is. You should know that shit, right?"

Without a word, Castiel used his angel mojo to zap them out of the parking lot.

_**To be continued...**_


	3. The Miracle of New Life

****

**WARNINGS: The only warning is for TRUE LOVE (which includes mechnophilia FUCK YOU SPELLCHECK THAT IS A WORD, blood, gore, death, rape, incest, blasphemy, hardcore sex, graphic violence, internal organs falling out, kinkiness, mpreg (?), etc)**

**

* * *

**

By the time our heroes had managed to angel themselves downtown, all the immediate family of the victims had been slaughtered and partially eaten, and a primary school had been burnt down. Sam and Dean, however, had their minds on a different case.

"Okay, so the Impala's around here somewhere, then?" Sam inquired, looking around.

"Apparently so," Castiel agreed.

Dean spied a bakery across the street. He decided he could use some pie.

"Guys, I'm going to go look in that bakery over there. I haven't eaten anything today and I'm starving," he stated.

"Yes, you have, you ate -," Sam began, but was cut off by Dean.

"_Food_, Sam. I need to eat _food_."

"Oh, right. Well, make it quick."

Dean scampered off and Sam and Cas were left awkwardly with eachother.

"Well, let's go look in that alleyway," Sam said forlornly, breaking the silence, and the search began.

The door pinged as Dean purposefully strode into the bakery. The baker looked up from his position behind the counter. He had been crying and masturbating to the newspaper article about all the people that had been massacred lately. He had had great love affairs with those police officers.

With teary, red eyes, he looked up at the pretty, completely naked young man before him. "Can I help you?"

"Yes. I'd like to buy a pie," Dean smiled.

"Okay, fine. What flavour?" the baker asked, hoping it would be cherry. He loved it when people asked for cherry pie, as it was an euphemism for vaginas. He giggled slightly through his tears at the thought of vaginas.

"Apple," Dean answered, giving the broken man a slightly odd look.

The heartbroken man gave Dean his pie. He couldn't help checking the pie over to see if it was one of the ones he'd wanked on earlier, when he'd got the horrible news. The thought of the femininely-pretty boy unknowingly ingesting his potential babies made him very aroused. His hand went to his erection. _Yes,_ he thought to himself,_ that will be my whack fodder for tonight._ He started grinding against the counter. Dean was staring at him with a bemused expression on his face.

"Why are you still here?" The horny pastry chef asked in annoyance.

"But I -"

"Get out!" The baker exploded. He had a date with Mr. Right Hand, and he would be damned if this douchenozzle messed it up!

"Okay, fine!" Dean left the pie store, grinning to himself. He'd just scored a free pie! Which was quite convenient, seeing as he was completely nude and had no money on him anyways. As he was trying to remember why he was naked in public, he caught sight of a paticularly familiar shiny, black vehicle...

Meanwhile, Sam and Cas had looked everywhere, but the Impala was nowhere to be found.

"We'll never find her!" Sam cried, falling to his knees and throwing his head back to stare up into the cold, unforgiving sky.

"Don't be like that, Sam. We'll find her," Castiel whispered, kneeling down beside Sam. The young hunter looked up tearfully, and found himself looking into Castiel's handsome face. He felt a tingling sensation in his fiery loins. He leaned slightly closer, his elegant nose brushing Cas' in an intimate gesture. He felt the building urge to press his lips against Cas', and wondered how they would feel. _Probably rough and masculine_, Sam thought, sucking his own bottom lip into his mouth anxiously. He closed his eyes as he gave in completely, pressing into Castiel's warmth and...

"Hey guys! Guess what!"

Sam and Cas jumped apart guiltily. Their heads snapped up to meet Dean's gaze.

"What is it, Dean?" Sam asked, hand moving to cover his groin and budding erection.

"I found her! She's out back behind a used car lot. C'mon!"

Sam and Cas regained their composure and followed Dean out behind the seedy car lot. There, in all her sleek, classic glory, was the Impala.

"Oh baby, we looked all over for you! We were so worried!" Dean groaned emotionally, running to the car to give her a hug.

Suddenly, the engine rumbled menacingly. It sounded almost like a growl.

"Wha- How is it doing that? It's not turned on, is it?" Sam asked, perplexed.

"I don't think so," Dean said, walking closer to his car.

"No, Dean! Don't!" Castiel yelled, horrified.

"Relax, Cas! Don't get your panties in a - Jesus Christ!" Dean squealed as the car made the growling sound again, and this time moved a few inches forward, its malicious intent obvious.

"Dean! No!" Sam threw himself heroically in front of Dean. "It's fucking posessed!" Suddenly, Sam pulled a gun out of...somewhere. "Get back, Dean! I'll finish this off once and for all!"

"No, Sam! Don't do it!" Castiel screamed at the on-edge hunter.

"Why not, Cas?" Sam snapped.

"Because...," Cas did a sad puppy look. He gestured behind the the car.

Confused, Sam and Dean walked around so they could see what was behind the Impala, making sure to give the still-growling car a wide berth as they did so.

Behind it, huddled together for warmth, were five little baby Impalas. They were a beautiful mocha colour, like milky coffee.

"Aww!" Sam cooed, "they're so sweet!" He reached out his hand to touch one. Immediately, he was slapped across the face by Castiel and stumbled back. "What the fuck was that for?" he asked, moodily rubbing his sore cheek.

"Do not touch the offspring. If you leave your scent on them, the mother will reject them," Castiel explained to the boys.

Dean was still staring at his car's children in awe. They were starting to make little squeaky honking sounds. It was utterly adorable.

"What I don't understand is, who's the father? Or the mother, or whatever," Dean asked.

Castiel shifted his gaze to a beautiful white '87 Camaro across the lot.

"Auto gestation and birth only takes a few hours," Cas explained.

Sam was still gushing over the babies. "They're so cute! We'll have to give them names. How can you tell their genders? Do they even have genders?" he wondered aloud.

"Whatever. Let's go back to the motel. I'm hungry," Dean said, rapidly losing interest in the miracle of new life.

Castiel did a pained expression and shifted awkwardly. "We'll have to magically teleport again," he said, "the Impala needs to stay with its babies."

Sam and Dean were horrified. Not many people knew what Magical Angel Teleportation felt like. It felt like all of your internal organs were pulled out of your navel, and then every orifice on your body was fucked with them, while your brain melted and was embedded with spiny cat penises. All in all, it was utterly unpleasant. Angels got off on freaky shit.

"There's no other way," Castiel said, squirming a little under Sam and Dean's hateful expressions.

"Alright, fine," Sam sighed.

And, just like that, they all disappeared.

_**To be continued...**_


	4. ClubToDeathAngel Castiel

**WARNINGS: The only warning is for TRUE LOVE (which includes mechnophilia FUCK YOU SPELLCHECK I WILL NOT CONFORM, rape, hardcore sex, blood, gore, graphic violence, internal organs falling out, mpreg (?), Doomcocks, incest and oh god dont tell me im the only one who remembers that anime)**

* * *

The next morning, the town residents were met with a sight of gory horror - seventeen virgins had been sacrificed to Satan, along with a few nondefective goats, during the night. Riots were breaking out downtown, and the police force could do nothing about it, as the civillians greatly outnumbered them. All in all, it was terrible.

"Oh, if only anyone here had knowledge of the supernatural!" One poor woman yelled, before she was hit over the head with a beer bottle by a drunken lout.

As it happened, the two people within town limits who had such knowledge were quite busy in their motel room. They were preparing to have hot anal sex.

Sam squirted some lube into his hand. "Hey, Dean, I've been thinking...I think you're ready to take my whole cock today."

Dean's eyes widened in fear. "What? No! Are you insane? We can't do that!"

"Oh, Dean, don't be so silly. You'll be fine. If we use enough lube..."

"Sammy." Dean pulled Sam's pants down, revealing his half-hard cock. It was a foot in length, and about five inches around in girth. "Look at your penis. Now, compare your penis to my torso. If your penis were to be put inside my body, the head of it would be up around my ribs. That would not work. I would die."

It was the truth. Every person Sam had attempted to put his entire penis inside before had died horribly. However, Sam believed in Dean. He believed Dean could take a massive Doomcock such as his.

"Dean, you've got to have believe in yourself. You can do this. I believe you can. Be like The Little Engine That Could."

"The Little Engine That Could wasn't about to have a foot-long cock rammed up his ass."

"Come on. I have faith in your cock-taking ability. Besides...my love for you is true. All those other people, that died due to my salami, I didn't love them. I love you, Dean, and only you. Can you do it...for me?" Sam whispered, his soulful eyes full of love as they stared into Dean's. He reached his hand out and gently touched Dean's lightly freckled cheek in a gesture of affection.

"Okay," Dean said hoarsely, his breath hitching a little at Sam's declaration of love, "Okay...I'll...I'll do it. For you...for us."

"Okay," Sam said. And then, he slammed his entire foot-long Schlong of Doom into Dean.

"JESUS BITCH-SLAPPING CHRIST!" Dean screamed in pure agony.

"It's alright," Sam said, frowning slightly, experimentally rocking his hips, "it always hurts a little at first. Soon, it'll start to feel really good."

"FUCK! THIS IS BAD! I NEED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL!"

"No, no, don't panic," Sam said, "I'll look for your prostate, then."

"OH MY FUCKING GOD," Dean screamed, "I THINK YOU'VE FUCKED THROUGH MY ENTIRE INTESTINAL TRACT!"

"Son of a bitch," Sam said, humping a little more, "I think you're right! Oooh, so that's what villi feel like."

"SAM! Please! You're fucking my spleen into my lung!"

"Oh shit, sorry! Sorry!" Sam changed the angle slightly, "is that better?"

"Of course it's not fucking better! I think you just speared my pancreas!"

"Oops. Oh god, Dean, I'm almost there -"

"Sam, I -"

"RAINBOW DAAAASH!" Sam orgasmed hard, shooting his load into Dean's liver. Then he collapsed on top of his older brother.

After a few minutes of silence, apart from Sam's heavy breathing, he poked Dean. "Dean? Dude, are you awake? Do you need me to get you off, or-" Sam pulled out and stared, wide-eyed, at the blood and gore and various tatters of what used to be his brother's internal organs that flooded the bedsheets.

"Oh, shit, Dean -"

"You- you dick! Look at what you've done! I think I'm dying!" Dean shouted, somewhat groggily.

"Dean! No! You can't die, you-" Sam was frantic. He screamed to the ceiling, "Castiel, you mofo! Get the fuck over here, now!"

Castiel appeared, and took in the horrendous, bloody scene before him. "Sam, what the fucketty-fuck have you done? Dean's insides resemble a meat Slurpee!"

"Oh, shut the fuck up and fix him!" Sam yelled.

"Sam, I-"

"Don't you dare! If you don't fix him right now...it's going_ in _you!"

Castiel blanched at the sight of Sam's meat rod, even though he's an angel and could probably take it without his innards turning to mush.

"Okay, fine, I will fix Dean." And there was a glow of holy, ethereal light, and Dean was good as new. Castiel had even healed all his STDs.

"Oh, thank you, Cas!" Sam squealed in delight, and kissed Castiel on the lips. There was a brief, shocked pause, and then they fell on each other, kissing hungrily and rubbing off and tearing at each other's clothes like horny teenagers. They both fell on the bed, crushing Dean, who was watching the game of impromptu tonsil-hockey in shock.

Dean fell off the bed, and limped out of the room, still slightly sore, and wandered to the kitchenette, ignoring all the moans and the squeaky bedsprings behind him. He took the apple pie he bought yesterday out of the fridge. No one had eaten it, because the Angel Teleportation left them vomitting and crying and masturbating tearfully for the remainder of the day.

He took the pie out of its box carefully, and set it on the table, which was perfectly at crotch-level. He grabbed his dick and began stroking it like a kitten, bringing it to full hardness in a few minutes. Then, egged on by the gasps and cries of "Harder!" from the other room, he shoved it into the pie.

He moaned like a porn-star as he penetrated the thin, flaky, crust. The pastry was slightly rough but the appley filling was oh so soothing and seemed to caress his member. He thrust a few times, and blew his load in a matter of minutes. It was the best sex he'd ever had.

_**To be continued...**_


	5. Camaro Girl

**WARNINGS: The only warning is for TRUE LOVE (which includes mechnophilia, rape, hardcore sex, blood, gore, graphic violence, internal organs falling out, mpreg (?), Doomcocks, incest, d/s, death,etc)**

**

* * *

**

By that evening, fifteen small children had been killed and drained of blood. The rioting and looting had only gotten worse.

The Impala had known what it had to do. It was too dangerous to stay in town, especially now, considering it had a litter of babies to look after. It went over to its mate, the Camaro. When the Impala had ran away from all the rape and Dean's bad taste in music (the Impala preferred classical, or some nice jazz), it hadn't expected to find true love. The instant it saw the Camaro, it knew. They had consummated their relationship in a seedy used car lot.

_We need to go to back to the shitty motel where those dumbfucks are staying. It'll suck major cock, but it's better than staying here and getting keyed_, it told the Camaro.

_Look, I'm sorry, but...I can't leave town. My owner is getting off work soon, _the Camaro explained.

_You fucking pussy!_ the Impala roared, _Let that bitch walk home! I thought you were a free spirit, like me! But look at you now! Giving into the mainstream! You goddamn conformist PREP!_

_I'm sorry, _the Camaro said sadly_, But if it means anything...want to have hot car-sex one last time before you leave?_

The Impala was crying windshield-washing fluid. _Okay, _it said tearfully.

The Camaro mounted the Impala, and revved its engine a few times, in-sync with its humping. With one loud rev, it was spent.

_Thank you_, it whispered to the Impala, nudging it with its front bumper gently. It then drove away to wait for its owner outside of their workplace.

The Impala shuddered with loss, but then opened its door and let its babies crawl into the backseat. It then drove away, leaving a small wet spot of fluid in the parking space.

* * *

Outside the rural town's only BDSM club, the Camaro waited.

_Maybe I shouldn't of let the Impala go...maybe, somehow, we could've made it work..._It thought sadly. But soon, its musings were interrupted rudely by its owner coming out of the club.

She was 4'10 and dressed in all-leather bondage gear, carrying a duffel bag, with six-inch stiletto boots, trying to up her height. It was awful, being so short and trying to be a dominatrix. All her career, people had just laughed at her whippings and her subs had thought she was just adorable.

_Stupid fuckers_, she thought irritably, _but soon...they will see. I'll be the best goddamn dominatrice in the whole fucking world!_

Her train of thought broke off as she saw her car, her beautiful car. It never failed her."Hey, stud! You wanna fuck me? Hell yeah you do!" She crooned to it.

_Oh, son of a bitch,_ thought the Camaro, as Camaro-Girl ground her crotch against its hood, _it's going to be one of those nights._

And, as the young, pretty girl smiled wickedly and walked around behind her car, it was quite obvious what kind of night it was going to be.

_**To be continued...**_


	6. BOOMSHACALACKA BLOOD

By 6 am the next day, the situation in town had gotten progressively worse. The townsfolk had started to turn on each other, and the streets ran red with the blood of innocents.

Things in Room 6 at the motel weren't going so smoothly either. After Sam and Cas's first bedroom romp, they'd been at it ever since. Dean was feeling very lonely. He was sitting on his bed, eating his cum-filled pie and having an intimate moment with his leather jacket, which was punctuated by the soft cries of Sam and Cas' lovemaking in the shower. He moved his love-wand in and out of the sleeve a few times, feeling sad and rejected. He remembered when _he_ and Sam would have sex in the shower like that. Well, they did once, and as the motel was too cheap to provide a bathmat he slipped and broke his nose, and Sam had accidentally used exfoliating shower gel as lube. But still.

As Sam squealed particularly loud, Dean was hit with a sense of déjà vu. This reminded him of going on hunts with his Dad, and when they would stay at Bobby's. His Dad and Bobby would stay in the bedroom, making wild, raucous, old-man love, while he was left alone, eating everything in Bobby's kitchen to fill his deep, emotional void. This revelation hit him like a slap to the face and he resolved not to take this passively lying down. Well, maybe he would later, but he was going to win Sam back from Castiel! His thoughts, however, were interrupted by a loud beep from the parking lot.

Sam and Cas were in the middle of doing something very kinky involving a shampoo bottle, a rubber ducky, and a toilet brush when Dean burst in on them.

"Oh, son of a bitch! Dean, have you ever heard of knock-"

"The Impala's back!"

"What?"

"It's outside! It just came back now."

"What? Cas, do you know why it would come back?" Sam asked, confused.

"Well, perhaps it's accepted us as family, and wants us to help raise its offspring," Cas offered.

"Who gives a flying fuck? It's back, and we can leave this shitty town!" Dean was very excited at that prospect.

"Well, let's see why it's come back first," Sam said, hesitantly.

Sam and Cas modestly wrapped some towels around their waists and joined Dean outside. The Impala was indeed there, with all five of its babies nestled in the backseat. However, nobody noticed that half of the motel had been burned down by the angry townsfolk.

"Can I touch them now?" Sam asked Castiel.

"I would imagine so," Cas replied.

Sam stroked the tiny little hood of one of the babies. He picked it up and cradled it. It made a few cute little honks before settling in his arms.

"Aww," Sam smiled, "isn't it sweet? Aren't baby things just so cute?"

"Yes," Dean said happily, "and, if you and I were to like, you know, have babies, I'm sure they would be very cute too. I bet we could find some supernatural way for us to have kids."

Sam frowned. "Dean, if we had kids, they would probably deformed or something. We're brothers."

_Fuck_, Dean thought. "Well, if you and Castiel had angelic assbabies, they would be all fucked up too, right? Like with wings and halos and shit. They'd get bullied in school."

Castiel cleared his throat. "Well, actually, Dean-"

"Oh, shove it Cas, nobody cares anyway." Dean was pissed off. He had to find some way for Sam to love him again.

"Oh, play nice, guys," Sam said, "we don't want Pinkie Pie getting ideas." He lovingly petted the roof of the baby Impala he was holding.

"Sam, what are yo- _Pinkie Pie_?" Dean asked, incredulously.

"I'm naming them after My Little Ponies. That one's Star Catcher, there's Twinkle Twirl -"

"We're not naming them after My Little Pony. People will have to drive these things one day. People who aren't nine-year-old girls."

"Yes, we are."

"No. If anything, we're naming them after Transformers." Dean reached for one of the other baby cars, "C'mere, Starscream."

"We're not calling it Starscream! Leave poor Scootaloo alone!" Sam turned to Castiel. "What do you think we should call them?"

"Well, personally, I like the name-" Castiel was cut off by Dean.

"Oh, shut up. You'll probably name them some…some Bible-y thing like…umm…Apple. Or Eden, or something."

"_Apple?_" Sam said in disbelief.

"Whatever! I'm just saying he's bad with baby things! No matter what he can do with a stapler, a teapot and the latest issue of _Cat Fancy_ magazine-" Dean trailed off, realizing what he just said.

"Dean," Sam said, in a strange, strangled voice, "How would you know about Castiel's greatest bedroom trick? When I did it with him, we did it out back behind the motel, you weren't there."

"I-well, I, uh.." Dean stammered, blushing furiously.

"I did it to him when he and I had sweaty, rambunctious sex a few weeks ago," Cas stated.

"Wha-at?" Sam said, his voice cracking.

There was an awkward silence.

_**To be continued…**_


	7. In Which There Is Sex

**FUCKING TYPOS**

**EVERYWHERE**

**SON OF A BITCH I NEED TO PROOFREAD BETTER OR SOME SHIT**

* * *

The silence continued, occasionally punctuated by horrified screaming or loud crashes and explosions from town.

Finally, Dean spoke. "Well, I was drunk," he stated, " and you cheated on me with Castiel too. So we're even."

"Yes, but...I only did because I practically killed you with my Doomcock! I thought it would be better for both of us if I used him as a sperm dumps- er, lover!" Sam was quite defensive.

"Well, that was a fucktarded thing to do! I've regretted my passionate lovemaking with Cas for weeks now. You enjoyed it! You rubbed it in my face! Er, except, not literally. So fuck you, Sam!"

"Oh, fuck you too, Dean! You stupid jerk-off!" Sam stormed off in the direction of the motel's office, where the manager had barricaded himself in. He started banging on the door, and shouted "Open up, motherfucker! I want to check out!" Suddenly, the manager burst through the door, holding a fire-axe.

"Stop!" He shouted, brandishing the axe, "Don't come any closer!"

"Geez, dude, chill out," Sam said, raising a perfectly-arched eyebrow and holding his hands slightly up in the universal "Hey man, what gives?" gesture.

"Look, if you crazy fuckers think you're taking my money, or burning down the rest of my motel, you're sadly mistaken!" The manager had gone insane. He swung at Sam with the axe. He narrowly missed his torso, but instead, took off Sam's most valued appendage.

"MY DOOMCOCK!" Sam shrieked in pain and horror. Blood spurted everywhere.

"NO ONE CAN CHOP OFF MY BROTHER-SLASH-LOVER'S PURPLE POLE OF PLEASURE AND GET AWAY WITH IT!" Dean screamed, and shot the deranged motel man in the head twelve times. More blood splattered everywhere.

Dean checked to see if the man was dead.

"Is he dead?" Sam asked, anxiously, picking bits of brain and skull out of his soft, voluminous hair.

"Yeah, I think so. I can't really check for a pulse, 'cause there isn't much left of his head and everything," Dean muttered.

"You didn't have to do that for me, you know," Sam said, softly.

"Yeah, well," Dean said gruffly. "I wanted to, okay?"

There was a silence, and it was teetering on being companionable until Dean said; "And you wanted to fuck Castiel. You're so fucking stupid, Sam." This tipped Sam over the edge.

"I know I was stupid!" Sam said, tearfully, "I only did it because...I love you so much, Dean. I didn't want you to be stuck with someone who impales your internal organs everytime you try and indulge in buttsex."

Tears welled up in Dean's eyes. "Really, Sammy? Y-you really love me?"

"Yes, Dean! I love you! I always have, and I always will!" Sam cried.

"I love you too, Sammy!"

They both hugged emotionally, which quickly turned to a passionate make-out session.

Castiel cleared his throat. "I would like it to be known that I am in love with both of you," he said, "or, well, at least I get an erection every time I am around either of you."

Sam and Dean looked up at him, their chiseled, handsome faces messy with snot and saliva. "Really, Cas? You love us?" Sam said, hesitantly.

"Yes, I think I do. If being in love entails spying on you in the shower and touching myself, or buying pornographic magazines featuring nude women and cutting and pasting your heads onto their bodies, or sniffing your used undergarments -"

"Oookay. Stop, before you become too creepy and gross," Dean said.

"Hey guys!" Sam said, cheerfully. "Now that my penis size is more modest, I can fuck you, Dean! Without killing you, that is."

"That's great, Sammy. And since you and me and Castiel love each other so much, well..." He trailed off, meaningfully.

Everyone exchanged glances. Did they want this? Yes, yes they did.

"Let's do this."

Sam and Cas dropped their (blood and precome smeared) towels, and herded the baby Impalas back into their parent. Dean whipped his Metallica t-shirt off and Sam grabbed his hips and turned him around, so he was facing away from Sam, who pulled Dean's sweatpants down, revealing his cute chubby ass. Castiel used angel magic to make some lube appear in his hand. Unfortunately, it was bubblegum flavor.

Cas smeared it all over his angelic disco-stick and shoved it up Sam's tight ass. Sam, in turn, rammed his horribly bloodied stump up Dean's ass, shoving him forward into the back bumper of the Impala.

Dean fell forward with an "Ooomph!" and, simultaneously, his eyes and the Impala's headlights widened in shock, their faces both going :O as his dick neatly settled in the Impala's exhaust pipe.

_Oh dear God, not this again,_ thought the Impala in horror, as Dean smiled and began to hump it gleefully.

As everyone groaned and humped, inside the motel room, Dean's leather jacket looked to Castiel's trenchcoat and said, "Ah, fuck it. C'mere, sweet thang," and they proceeded to have hot, outerwear sex on Dean's bed.

As everyone was moaning and groaning and humping in sync, something very disconcerting was happening in the middle of town. A portal to the underworld had opened outside of the public library.

_**To be continued.**_


	8. What Has Tobe Done!

**OKAY GET ME A SUITCASE FULL OF COCAINE I'M FINISHING THIS MOTHERFUCKER**

****

**

* * *

**

Doomed screams filled the air like bad techno music in a trying-too-hard club. Flesh burned and bodies writhed as they fell into the fiery pit which lead to the abode of the damned. The unforgiving gaping maw sucked in everything in town, as was the nature of gaping maws. Especially, you know, ones connected to Hades. However, a few things stayed put. Namely, a gleaming-white '87 Camaro. It was parked, fairly haphazardly (you get towed for parking in front of fire hydrants for a reason, goddammit!), right near the entrance to the inferno. Perhaps it was making a point.

Ah, selling your soul to Satan. It's nature's way of allowing misfits to get back at their enemies. And so easily, too! You'd be surprised at what little time and effort it takes to open a portal to Hell. The particular person who'd opened this one was. They'd barely had to rearrange their schedule around all the horrible, gory murder sprees.

"Suck on that, bitches!" The person in question shouted, stomping on the fingers of innocent souls as they desperately grasped at anything with a leather stiletto boot. "You'll never laugh at me again now!"

Camaro-Girl licked her teeth in satisfaction as the anguish continued. Today was a good day. Just then, she heard a shout.

"You stop this right now!"

Camaro Girl whipped her head around to see a man standing there. He was clutching a streetlamp in a way that couldn't be described as desperate, because he looked too pissed off and badass for that.

"Who the fuck are you?" she snapped. God, she wasn't in the mood for this today. But, that dude did look slightly familiar…

"It doesn't matter who I am. All that matters is this is going to stop!" He shouted.

"Oh, what are you going to do? Just fall into the goddamn pit already, Jesus Christ, you people!" She replied cattily. Shit, it was really irritating her now. She knew him from somewhere, she could swear it. Camaro Girl narrowed her eyes, thinking hard. Who the fuck was he?

"No," he said, angrily, "you killed the great loves of my life. I must have my revenge. I can't wank onto pies for the rest of my life."

It was the wank-onto-pies comment that made the invisible little light bulb click on over her head. "Hey! I know you! You're that baker guy!" She exclaimed, delighted she finally figured it out. Suddenly, an unwelcome thought struck her. "Oh, sweet Christ, I haven't bought a pie from you, have I?"

"It doesn't matter! I'm going to stop you!" He gestured to the bottomless pit behind her.

"Oh, how are you going to do that? You can't kill me. You don't have extensive knowledge and experience with the supernatural. Now, if two strapping young men were to challenge me, well, the outcome would be quite different then, I'd assume..."

"I don't care! I have nothing to live for! I'm willing to give it all up…to save more lives." He whispered, a tear making its way down his cheek.

"Huh. Well, you do realize that saying you have nothing to live for makes your sacrifice actually less heroic, but if you want to- ARGH!" The beautiful young woman was cut off as the baker tackled her, knocking them both towards the portal.

"Guh!" The sex worker managed to grab onto a flagpole that was conveniently located in front of the pit. It was a very patriotic small town.

Flicking a desperate glance around the scene before her, the girl noticed her car. "Cammy!" she shouted, as she was one of those people who gave her vehicle a name. "Help me!"

The car's engine roared to life, and it drove over to where the dominatrix and the pastry chef were clinging for dear life, and anal virginity (because that stuff happens in Hell, you know. Without lube, and if you're a guy, they purposely avoid your prostate).

"Oh, Thank Satan!" Camaro-Girl smiled, tossing her head to get her hair out of her eyes. "I knew you'd come through! I love you, you sexy beast, you!"

The Camaro began to nudge at the flag pole, revving its engine in determination. It had another woman on its mind. A sleek, classy beauty, the mother of his children and the love of his life.

"Wait, what the fuck are you doing? Cammy, don't you fucking dare!" Still, the Camaro prodded and pushed. "Stop it." Nudge, push. "Cammy, you're not impressing anyone." Push, prod, rev. "Cammy, seriously…" The flagpole came loose from the concrete. (Not only patriotic, it was also a small town on a budget.)

"You useless whore!" Camaro Girl screamed, as she and the baker fell to their doom. On the way down, the pie-maker copped a feel of the Dom's leather-clad breasts, because, eternal damnation and all, but hey, boobs.

Almost immediately, the gaping pit began to close in on itself. The Camaro turned slightly and looked out over the destroyed landscape, thinking of its true love and hoping she was happy and safe, as it did this for her.

Just then, the hole closed, and took out everything within a five-mile radius.

At this exact moment, just outside of town (five miles, to be exact) a black, '68 Impala had pulled over at the side of the road for a quickie.

"Mmmph mmmphff uff?" Dean asked.

"What?" Sam said, pulling his dick from Dean's mouth.

"I said, what the fuck was that?"

"What the fuck was what? I didn't hear anything."

"There was an explosion. The ground shook and everything. It was like a nuclear plant blew up or something." Dean said, exasperated.

Castiel, from his position in the backseat, took a moment from lubing up his cock for penetration and began to explain. "Actually, Dean, what happened was - "

"Shut the fuck up, Cas, no one cares anyways. Whatever it was, it has nothing to do with us." Sam snapped.

"Well, actually, Sam - "

"Well, actually, Cas, get back to work and start fucking Dean."

Castiel was silent for a moment, weighing his options. Then, he shrugged, and shoved his dick up Dean's tight ass, while batting a baby Impala away from where it was trying to mount his leg.

"Guys, don't you think we should – mmmpfhhh!" Dean was silenced by Sam's ex-Doomcock.

"So, where should we go next?" Sam inquired of Castiel.

"I read about some mysterious deaths around the area of Forks, Washington. The bodies were drained of blood, and, for some odd reason, covered in body glitter."

"Great, let's go there, then." Sam said, fucking Dean's face more brutally.

_**- FINIS -**_

**SHOULD THERE BE A SEQUEL Y/Y**


	9. EXTRA BONUS CHAPTER!

**HERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING BONUS CHAPTER. I HOPE YOU ENJOY READING IT AS MUCH AS I ENJOYED NOT WRITING IT.**

**All credit goes to that genius Squirrelking...my, uh, brother from another...mother?**

* * *

Supernatural: Full-life Consequences

Sam Winchester who was Dean Winchesters brother was one day in an Stanford typing on a computer. He got an email from his brother that said that demons and monsters were attacking his place and aksed him for help so he went.

Sam Winchester got his computer shut down and wet on the platform to go up to the roof of the building where he left his Impala and normal people close because he was in his Stanford lab coat. Sam Winchester got on his Impala and said "its time for me to live up to my family name and face full life consequences" so he had to go.

Sam Winchester ramped off the building and did a backflip and landed. He kept driving down the road and made sure there was no demons around because he ddint have weapon.

The contrysides were nice and the plants were singing and the birds and the sun was almost down from the top of the sky. the mood was set for Sam Winchesters quest to help his brother where he was. Sam Winchester looked around the countrysides and said "its a good day to do what has to be done by me and help my brother to defeat the enemys".

Sam Winchester was late so he had to drive really fast. A cop car was hiden near by so when Sam Winchester went by the cops came and wanted to give him a ticket. Here Sam Winchester saw the first monster because the cop was posessed and had demons.

"I cant give you my lisense officer" Sam Winchester said

"Why not?" said the headcrab oficer back to Sam Winchester.

"Because you are demon zombie" so Sam Winchester shot the oficer in the head and drove off thinking "my brother is in trouble there" and went faster.

Sam Winchester had to go faster like the speed of sound and got there fast because Dean needed him where he was. Sam Winchester looked at road signs and saw "Kansas" with someons writing under it saying "u shudnt come here" so Sam Winchester almost turned around but heard screaming like Dean so he went faster again.

Sam Winchester drove in and did another flip n jumped off his Impala and the Impala took out some demon zombies infront of Sam Winchester. Sam Winchester smiled and walked fast. Sam Winchester then looked on the ground and found wepon so he pickd it up and fired fast at demon goasts in front of a house.

Sam Winchester said "Demon goasts leave this place" and the demon goasts said "but this is our house" and Sam Winchester felt sorry for them becaus they couldnt live there anymore because they were demon goasts so he blew up the house and killed the demon goasts so they were at piece.

Then Sam Winchester herd another scream from his brother so he kept walking really faster to get where he was. Kansas was nothing like the countrysides there was no birds singing and the pants were dead and teh dirt was messy and bloody from demons.

When Sam Winchester got to where the screaming was started from he found his brother Dean Winchester fightin the final bosss and Dean said "Sam Winchester! Over here!" so Sam Winchester went there to where Dean Winchester was fighting. Sam Winchester fired his bullet from teh gun really fast and the bullets went and shot the final boss in the eyes and the final boss couldnt see.

Dean Winchester said "its time to end this ones and for all!" and punched the final boss in the face and the final boss fell. Sam Winchester said "thanks i could help, bro" and Dean Winchester said "you should come here earlier next time" and they laughed.

The laughed overed quickly though because Sam Winchester yelled "LOOK OUT BRO!" and pointed up to the top of the sky. Dean Winchester looked up and said "NOO! Sam Winchester run out of here fast as you can!" and Sam Winchester walked real fast out.

Sam Winchester loked back and saw Dean get steppd on by the next boss and he was mad and angry.

"I'll get you back evil boss!" Sam Winchester yelled at the top of lungs!

* * *

**also i ship squirrelking/hans von hozel...SQUIRROZEL OTP.**


End file.
